We can no longer imagine our life without sending messages in various messengers. What about the influence of these services on the quality of our communication?
The possibility to quickly get in touch with the ones we need, to stay connected with close people, to get the necessary information on time…and many other advantages of communicating with people via messengers. However, how often do we consider its drawbacks? Here are 5 aspects of virtual communication destroying us that we even don’t notice.
What’s wrong?
It’s difficult to understand each other
The most important part of our communication in real life consists of non-verbal means: a tone of voice, mimics, posture, and gestures. In texting, these components are meant to be substituted for emoticons. Yet, the latter aren’t that good at expressing emotions. As a result, it frequently happens that we cannot communicate or get the true meaning of a message we’ve received. An emoticon-smile doesn’t mean for sure that your interlocutor feels joyful; perhaps, they sent it because of courtesy (and your joke seemed silly to them) or to cheer us up (despite the fact that an interlocutor may be sad at the moment).
Matters get even worse when it comes to the text itself. A joke that may have sounded like a sweet teasing during private communication may seem rude or silly if sent in a message. Grammar isn’t good at conveying emotions, too. Five exclamation marks or LOL written in capital letters don’t sound very convincing. By the way, people fail to correctly interpret interlocutor’s emotions even during an eye-to-eye communication; in this connection, texting creates considerably more problems.
A different meaning of messages
Women are ready to text each other for hours (even if there is nothing to discuss). That’s why they feel disappointed once they fail to make their partner text them constantly. The reason lies in the fact that men and women view communication differently. As researches proved, men use it, in the first place, to convey information. After this, men feel they have nothing to talk about. Women need communication to create emotional intimacy. Consequently, for them, communication is potentially endless while men prefer common activity to create emotional intimacy.
Once we realize these differences, the root of misunderstanding between sexes becomes more evident. Long and constant messaging is communication for the sake of communication. If a man doesn’t write messages to his woman as often and enthusiastically as she does, she starts doubting if she is interesting to him. She interprets it as his reluctance to become emotionally close while he would prefer to have an evening run with her or watch a movie together.
A false feeling of power
Talking about power, we usually mean an ability to influence or manage others’ behavior. In this case, we imply that you can make a person wait for an answer to their question. In the course of online communication, there is a subtle fight for power. Every time we send a message we understand that we may be ignored. In many cases, we are ok with that. Meanwhile, if a situation is emotionally charged, everything changes rapidly. Imagine you are sending a partner a message asking to forgive you, and there is no answer. We feel lonely and helpless. The longer the silence, the more powerful these feelings and our anxiety, the more power over us acquires a person who is consciously not answering. In other words, texting leaves much space for one or both partners’ manipulative behavior.
Lies that offend our interlocutor
“Sorry, I didn’t see your message,” “Have you sent me a message? I haven’t received anything,” “Sorry, I was too busy to check my phone.” Predominantly, these are lies. We all are checking our phones since a phone is an alarm, a notebook, a camera, a weather forecast, an email, a source of news, and much more…Of course, there may be objective reasons why we aren’t answering. What if we fell asleep or went to a play? In general, if a person prefers real life to virtual communication, it’s excellent. But it’s really very hard not to notice a message. Your interlocutor can’t prove that you are lying, thus they have to put up with lies and feel ashamed and embarrassed.
Endless conversation
In real life, a conversation has a beginning and an end, which cannot be said about communication in messengers. Just like in some games, many people are texting each other the whole day long answering every message of the opposite part. For this reason, it’s often not clear how we can end such a “profound” conversation. Perhaps, when one person asked, and another answered? Or maybe when it feels like talking is over? But our notion of completeness may differ so that when one of us doesn’t get an answer to a message, we may feel ignored.
Well, and is it good to keep connected all day long? Our beloved won’t miss us, they don’t need to guess where we are and what we are doing because they are always with us, in our pocket or bag. This endless communication doesn’t let us be alone. One may find it great, but as psychologists claim, it’s vitally necessary for us to be alone from time to time. People need solitude to grow spiritually and understand themselves better.
Should I stop using messengers?
There is no need to go from extreme to another. Of course, real communication cannot be substituted, but let’s admit that modern people can’t live not making use of technological advances. Messengers are very convenient; it’s an indisputable fact. However, due to the reasons enumerated above, we shouldn’t become too dependent on them. It seems better to text less but talk and see each other more. You may say that you are too busy and so on, but people find time for things that are really important to them. By the way, why not make use of video calls? Moreover, many messengers offer such an opportunity. At least, it will help you to see your interlocutor and hear their voice. What can be better?