Abuse in a relationship isn’t always obvious. A partner shouldn’t necessarily be physically rude, but their insults have become a norm for you. Here are 8 signs of hidden abuse in a couple both men and women may suffer from.
Quarrels and reconciliation are typical phenomena in a couple, but provided that they happen too often, one should consider this matter in more detail. Abuse isn’t always physical. Here also belong humiliations, blackmail, insults, controlling your every step, a rejection to listen to, lies, harassment, and disdain for your feelings. According to professionals working with victims of abuse, there are 8 signs of hidden abuse in a couple.
Background
Those of us who’ve had an unhappy childhood are at much higher risk. If children have been intimidated, humiliated, morally or physically suppressed, shouted at and then given a lot of presents as an apology, they grow up without knowing what a normal loving relationship is. If your childhood has been full of emotional ups and downs, in adult life, you may consider this relationship type as love. Thus, what signals should we pay attention to in order not to fall a victim to abuse?
Watch out these signs
He is your priority
You are too sensitive to partner’s needs and wishes at the expense of your own ones
You are tiptoeing around a partner not to disappoint them. Most likely, you’ve behaved the same way with your parents; and now, subconsciously, you behave like this at home and with your friends and colleagues at work. You prefer to keep silent, not to express your opinion since you don’t want to engage in an argument. At any cost, you are trying to justify why a partner treats you badly – “Once more, I acutely react to everything happening around me.” These are the signs you aren’t listening to your inner voice. Every time you start doubting “May I feel disappointed about this?” you are disregarding all the important things your inner voice conveys to you.
You’ve almost stopped communicating with your friends
You have no time to meet with your friends as before because conflicts with a partner take all your time. Instead of going somewhere to distract yourself, you spend a weekend endlessly arguing. You feel isolated since a partner requires you to spend all the time with them. Probably, you justify them and find excuses for their behavior. Step by step, victims lose self-confidence and start accusing themselves of all relationship problems.
You are trying to avoid any conflicts
Instead of expressing the things bothering you are silent not to break “peace.” Most importantly, you are avoiding conflicts in any sphere, not only at home but at work as well. Perhaps, you are doing that automatically or because you are too tired and have no strength to freely express your opinion after so many conflicts at home. It’s very difficult for you to defend your interests now, it’s much easier to adapt than worry that your disobedience will make a relationship strained.
You engage in sexual intercourse against your will
You don’t want to, but you engage in sexual intercourse just to preserve peace. Is this scenario repeating more often? Every time you do something against your will in order not to cause a conflict you give your power to others and betray yourself.
You aren’t aware of your own feelings and needs
Children co-habiting with quick-tempered impulsive parents learn to put them first and care about them. Consequently, an adult person who has grown up in such a family becomes a parent for their own parents and later on, for a beloved person. Such adults justify close people and start accusing themselves, at the same time ignoring their own needs for others’ sake.
You expose yourself to danger because of a partner
It may be, for example, their aggressive style of driving. You are scared and angry deep inside, but say nothing not to cause an outburst of rage from your partner’s side.
You feel very tired
All day long, you are feeling absolutely exhausted. You can’t easily solve the simplest routine problems concerning your vitally necessary needs. You aren’t even sure that your needs matter. You don’t feel a competent person any longer, and you don’t trust your knowledge and experience.
You forgive again and again
Recently, you’ve broken up several times just to forgive again and promise to love each other “until death separates us.” You forgive rude behavior, give the last chance, and believe in empty promises that are never kept.
Real love supposes that both partners are equal; in a relationship, they give and receive to the same extent. Of course, sometimes we can do something that we don’t want for our partner’s sake, but provided that such deeds become customary, it’s definitely a bad sign. If two psychologically healthy individuals love each other, they respect each other’s boundaries. If something goes wrong, they carry the burden of guilt together trying to resolve a problem together, without mutual accusations and rage.
Any way out?
The first step to healing is to realize the problem. You have to pluck up your courage and admit that these abusive signals aren’t typical of a healthy and meaningful relationship. No matter how hard it may be, you have to stop ignoring these signals. Keep in mind that abusers typically don’t change since their destructive behavior is caused by their corrupt mind. Why do they behave so violently? Most probably, they lacked love and attention as children so that they know no other way of keeping in touch with others.
Such a violent one-sided relationship model is the only experience they’ve been through, but it doesn’t mean they have a right to humiliate you and suck your energy. Just realize the fact that you are a self-sufficient personality whose psychological and physical well-being are the highest values. You also have a right to be happy, and your life priority isn’t to serve as a complement to some mentally corrupt predators.
After you’ve realized this, break up. Without regrets, promises, and remorse of consciousness. Neither look nor come back. Purify your soul and look around, and you will be surprised how many people want to engage in a healthy relationship with you. You are worthy of it.